maybe love will find us again

So its been FOREVER since I have updated this thing. I even forgot I had one until tonight. lol I'm sure no one will notice if i havent. I dont even know why im updating I'm just so bored. I dont want to get off of here cause then I'll go to bed and I dont want to do that I feel like I need to stay on here cause somethings going to happen or I'm waiting on something lol. i could call jess but I dont want to. We had fun today we went to eat and went to clays and talked to him and trevor for like almost 2 hours i think it seemed like a long time. Then me and jess went to the dollar tree and tryed to find something to do i ended up getting a inflatable whale lol a kite and a water gun lol yes i am a nerd and if you havent noticed i have given up on makeing sentences who needs em lol Gah im so bored Im fixin to go back to work I'm a SENIOR!! it doesnt really feel like it ive been wanting to say that for so long and know that its here it doesnt feel really and im not so sure i want it i mean this is it one year and its all over and even though im ready for it to be and start something new in my life im not so sure im ready to leave im scared and i dont want to leave these people that ive grown up will most of my life i know there is prolly only one person that i will keep up with after this and i dont want that to happen i want to stay here like it is now even though i HATE school so much i dont want it to end but i know it has to and i have to grow up and im ready but i dont want it to. Well i guess I will try and find something to do.

Okay so not much has happened to me lately. The guy I talked about in my last entry yeah hes gone lol I didnt like him. I've moved on to someone else lol What a suprise huh? But I really like this guy lol I'm just not so sure how he feels about me so tomorrow I'm going to ask him to our homecoming dance which I got nominated for but am not in it I'm not to sad though lol I'll live I didnt really want to be in it anyways lol. So school is jsut school lol. I'm still working at Mickey D's its fun sometimes. OH!!! Most of you dont know buyt I went to Ohio two weeks ago for the Ringor show case tournament at kent state and it was so much fun I was really nervous but I did good there were 2 hundred college choaches there and 3 to 4 hundred girls there and I was the only on selected from tennessee lol it was really fun I got to talk to this girl from Canada. But I don't really have much to update on other then that and the new boy lol. So I guess I'm going to go I'm really going to try and update more but I dont seem to have much time to do stuff like this anymore.

Well in my last entry I talked about a guy that I like at work well I found out that he is a cousin of one of my friends at school and I gave my number to him and he gave it to him and well we've been talking ever since and I REALLY like him I mean I know I say this a lot but he's different I saw him the other day and I mean my heart sank and I felt like I was going to throw up but I keep trying to find something wrong with him and I'm afraid of getting anything going with him and I don't know why I like him and I just don't know whats wrong with me I'm just looking for a reason to stop talking to him and then regret doing it I do this everytime I like someone look for something wrong with them then stop talking to them. But I can't find anything wrong with him and he just makes me feel weird but a good weird I like him and want to know more about him and he's been down to the house today and my parents like him which was suprising. But I just don't know what to do I can't stand myself for this I finally find someone that isnt just looking for sex and treats me like a real person and not a prize and I don't know what to do. But I'm competly tired of trying to find something wrong with him but I can't I like him but then I don't want to lol I just don't get it. I can't hide my feeling for him I like him and I want to but god I dunno I'm jsut going to stop and maybe this will all work itself.

So I thought I would update again. Well I just woke up but I'm still crazy tired I've worked everyday but Monday since I started working at Mcdonalds. Everyone come see me I'm usually in front drive-thru. I keep having dreams about giving people there orders though its crazy. So I'm really happy that we only have about less then a month until Christmas break I'm ready for a long break. So guess what else I've sort of met someone guys *gasps* shocker isnt it lol. Well I'd seen him before but I felt like a perv cause he had on a middle school shirt but he's not I met him again at mcdonalds and I really like him he's sweet. But anyways I really thought I had more to update about but now I'm just drawing a blank. I've been sending college letters out for this camp I'm going to in January and we had to get colleges to come watch us and I've actually gotten responses back from Adams State in Colorado, Indiana State,Hawaii no really Hawaii,Eastern Kentucky I think but somewhere in Kentucky, and there was one more but I just can't remember but I'm excited. But now I guess I'm going to go if I can think of anymore to update on I will later bye bye my loves.

UPDATE!! Woo I know your all excited lol. I'm sure no one is reading this anymore but just to feel good about myself I do believe I will UPDATE!!! so I'm bored bored bored bored. and I am so happy to say that because I never ahve a day off anymore lol. I will now though because last week was that last team practice so Sundays off yes!! So I am feeling very avoided lately its not a good feeling either old friends never talking I feel avoided and unloved but all my "regular" friends it cool with them I'm really hyper becuase I've eaten like 20 packs of sweettarts and like 3 make me crazy. But anyways I dunno I'm lazy when it comes to updating this thing now I look at everyone elses but never update my own. I started velocity training like a month ago its fun if you like working out a lot lol. My brother got in another wreck and got caught drinking in this dorm with the guys from is room and told mom he wasnt and then got caught cause they sent a letter out. lol Just thought I'd throw that one in there. I HOPE YOU ALL DIE!!! lol j/p just getting your attention again from all the boredom in my life. Wow its getting kinda late for a school night I need to go to bed lol I'm so hyper and such a nerd. I have my own computer in my room now suprising isnt it. So I have an essay on concrete that is due soon and I am still drawing a blank on that one. But anyways I cant think of anything else right now I guess so yeah bye for now loves.

I dyed my hair......................orange lol update later.

Now I see the truth in your eyes
This time it could last forever
Now I see the truth in your eyes
Tell me what you're looking for

To fall asleep with you would be heaven; for once this dream won’t be short lived
Take me with you; show me all life’s splendors
I've been waiting for life's last breath
I've been waiting for life's last breath

The world wouldn't turn without you; breathing its air, I’d take you anywhere
For once this is one of those dreams that I can spare, but you'd rather spare me

Now I see the truth in your eyes
This time it will be forever
I'll trust you, if you'll just trust me
Tell me what you’re looking for
Now I see the truth in your eyes
This time it will be forever
I'll trust you if you'll just trust me
If this isn't what you wanted, then tell me what is

And our roles have been filled, as they should with hidden messages in secret songs
This is my last breath of air, your last chance to love

Well not a lot to say I'm just bored and I thought I would update. Blah soo umm hmmm this week lol gah I have nothing I just went to school well yesterday I went to ashleys and the football game both were much fun I finally got to see the few friends that I had missed lol. OH well my grandpa died last Saturday it was really really sad I had to be there when he died too so that made it a lot worse. I got the new FATA cd its AWESOME!! its different from their older stuff but its not a bad thing its just cool how they'll have one really slow song then go into a heavy song. But I really haven't had time to do much since school started but brittani tryed to chung one of those huge hawiian punch jugs it was funny she couldnt do it thought she stopped after about half cause the bell rang. But blah lol I can't think of anything else to say so I guess all that was point less lol ttyl loves.

Your hazel green tint eyes watching every move I make.
And that feeling of doubt, it's erased.
I'll never feel alone again with you by my side.
You're the one, and in you I confide.
And we have gone through good and bad times.
But your unconditional love was always on my mind.
You've been there from the start for me.
And your loves always been true as can be.
I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.
And we have gone through good and bad times.
But your unconditional love was always on my mind.
You've been there from the start for me.
And your loves always been true as can be.
I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.
I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.

you dont know who you are but I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!! more then you'll ever know and I cry myself to sleep at night knowing I can't change this but I love you more then anything and your the only one for me no one else has made me feel the way you have made me feel and i wish that I could change things but I can't so you'll never know that I love you but you'll never feel the same either way. Why do you have to make me feel this way?? WHY???

okay well we got out of school today WOO!! and I've found out htat on the pre-show for the vmas the other night they priemired MCR's new video I've been so pissed cause I've been waiting for forever on it. SO I watched oven fresh to see if they had it on there no of course not so I decided I would d/l lol I waited almost 4 damn hours but I finally watched it and I must say DAMN MR.WAY WAY!!! hot hot hot!!! lol and its sad cause mikey dies but anyways I d/l one of there songs bury me in black AMAZING!!! omg so good!!! But anyways I've baked a cake and ham today lol so I'm really hungry. but I'm waiting on mom to get home. But I really have nothing really else to say so I'm out lol I'm retarded.

Blah well I thought I would update since I havent in forever or well had a real update. But anyways I have had the worst luck ever with driving well I just got my license on my b-day July 29th so I went to warped lost my license well thursday I was backing out and hit Sterlings moms car parked next to me well wasnt really my fault she was parked really close to me and then today I left my lights on and my battery was dead when I got to my car after school and I had to get this old man to start it for me gah I hate this crap lol I don't like driving anymore lol. Well Jess has finally got to drive some now. OH and guess what I finally told Alex I liked him lol I'veh ad the biggest crush on him since like 9th grade and well he said he liked me too WOO. Were not official yet or nothing but were getting there I guess lol I dunno that sounded kinda cheesy. Getting up early for school is already getting old I have to get up at 5:30 to take a shower and all that crap blah. I don't really have much more to say I'm jsut really bored. and everything about my last entire is fine I've finally realized that it doesn't matter anymore and I don't need that in my life I can get through without it. I only think a couple of people really know what I'm talking about and if you don't it jsut sounds like I'm talking like I'm on drugs or something. But anyways I got nothing else I don't think bye for now lovers!!!

Hello lonely, how you doin’ today?
Hello sweet thing, why don’t you walk this way?
Hello, you again, how could you go and be so cold?
And she said Goodbye sad man
‘Cause all this pain is getting old

So why are you sad, don’t you know that
It’s you that haunts my dreams and seems to always come back?

How do I live without you?
How could you walk away from this, just walk away from this again?
How do I live without you?
How could you walk away from this, just walk away from this?

Hello lonely, now that you’re gone I can move on
Goodbye sweet thing, just know that I’ve been here all along

So why are you sad, don’t you know that
It’s you that haunts my dreams and seems to always come back?

How do I live without you?
How could you walk away from this, just walk away from this again?
How do I live without you?
How could you walk away from this, just walk away from this?
Again, again

All those days you waste on me, I just can’t let you go

So why are you sad, don’t you know that
It’s you that haunts my dreams and seems to always come back?

Well school started back today it was fun we didnt do anything then a lot of us went to pizza hut and then wal-mart cause theres nothing else to do in this damn town. Tomorrow is picture day already my god we've been back to school for a half a day lol. But anyways me and alex had a bet going that I couldnt call him claude and he couldnt call me ann until christmas break every day it went up a dollar and if he won I had to give him how ever much money it was and a t-shirt from hot topic and if I won then he had to give me the money and one of those cheesecakes from wal-mart but anyways today was the third day and he was in my home room and I ran over there was all Alex Alex lol I forgot and he said well gah you already lost lol. But anyways I have my first pitching less of the year today WOO!! I'm thinking of going after school's a couple times a day and going running OH!! when we went to wal-mart those little machines you can get stuffed animals with the little claw things we ended up spending like 20 bucks trying to get this rhino thing and we finally gave up and won like six stuffed animals I'm awesome at those things lol. I got better after like the first 10 times lol. But anyways I don't have my schedule yet I'm trying to get into Psychology but I'm not sure if I'll get into it and I was going to take two maths this year but I've changed my mind cause there first and second period right together and I dunno if I can do that together and that early in the morning. But anyways I'm really bored now and I'm fixing to have to leave ASHLEY!!! I haven't talked to you in forever whats been going on?? lol ttyl loves.

Well as most of you already know I went to warped tour wednesday and I was okay lol yeah I know I got all excited and all I have to say was it was okay first we went to watch the starting line and then relient k and as a7x was setting up me and ashley got to the very front it was amazing I have to say I love a7x even more now lol and I swear M.Shadows saw me screaming the lyrics with him and smiled at me lol I swear lol but anyways I got some awesome pictures of them because we were so close but anyways then we went and saw the last of saosin and then hawthorne heights was coming up next so our plan was to work our way up to the front during hawthorne and then thrice cause mcr played after them so we could be up to the front to see mr.way way well like every good plan it failed we got up to like the third row for hawthorne and I guess everyone wanted to be up in the front and it was jsut chaos and I had to keep helping people off the ground so they didn't get trampled on I lost ashley lol and then I had these huge guys all round me squishing me and I stayed in there almost the whole time for them but then I couldn't breathe and then some guy elbowed me in the heart so I got out cause i knew I couldn't stand it for 2 hours and then it was just hawthorne it would have been hell during thrice and mcr so I finally found ashley and she siad she had to punch some girl in the face cause she was elbowing her in the back trying and get up front but anyways it was just shit and then when I finally got out I found out I lost my wallet and camera with my awesome pictures of a7x and I still had 50 dollars in my wallet so I was really pissed and my license was in my wallet but I went and got another one yesterday. But anyways me and ashley went to go see mcr but there were so many people there by then I could barely see him and then I lost ashley again we were going to stay and watch fall out boy but we jsut left and I was trying to get a hold of ashley but I didn't have service then she didn't but I talked to her yesterday and she said after mcr got done playing she had went to the gate where they were leaving and yelled MR.WAY WAY and said he turned around and waved at her LUCKY lol I HATE YOU!!! lol j/p but anyways I wouldn't have had such a bad time if I hadn't lost my wallet and my pictures and could have seen Mr. Way way but I guess I'll live lol but anyways jess came over yesterday and gave me my birthday present thanks jess she got me a MCR t-shirt and we cut up pictures and I had a new collage but anyways I guess I got nothing else but oh we start back school Wednesday gah its already almost here again.

hmm well its my birthday and I stuck here doing absolutely nothing. All my friends desided not to come over sorry I'm not that much fun guys. Well I ate dinner with my family had cake went to my room watched the new episode of degrassi went to take a shower and now here I am again doing nothing looking at the same damn myspaces a looking at the same lj's I'm so damn bored I called almost ever person I know and no ones home. So I guess I'll just go to bed in a little while and maybe my 17th birthday will be a little better hmm who knows. later

I totally got my license this morning that shit was so damn easy. OMG IT'S MY BIRTHDAY WOOO HOOO I'm 16 woo hoo now I don't have to lie on myspace anymore lol blah well anyways I don't really feel like typing and all that jazz so I'm going to go I'll update later this week I guess maybe who knows. ASHLEY call me when your coming over!!!

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:	BleedBlack59
Your haiku:	well it's not my fault i didn't go to hell lol just playin and my alex
Username:
Created by Grahame

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:	BleedBlack59
Your haiku:	damn liers and tell all of july with that bitch well not much more to do
Username:
Created by Grahame

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:	BleedBlack59
Your haiku:	blah so games in this damn heat it was like a cat lol its awesome
Username:
Created by Grahame

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:	BleedBlack59
Your haiku:	lol and it was like inch thick it was a lot of fucking drama and
Username:
Created by Grahame

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:	BleedBlack59
Your haiku:	i had coach zig and he said he didn't seem to mind oh i rearranged
Username:
Created by Grahame

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:	BleedBlack59
Your haiku:	his face licked and his shoes lol and then try to just get on my hands
Username:
Created by Grahame

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:	BleedBlack59
Your haiku:	down when i first left i thought it was lots of fun i shot a mother
Username:
Created by Grahame

Hmm well now it's just me and ashley for my b-day tomorrow cause jess went with her grandmother to Florida GRR!! lol whatever it's okay. But holy shit I had the craziest dream last night it scared the hell out of me lol why can't I have good dreams like Ashley's and Mr.Way Way well anyways I was wanting to watch this movie but I could watch it in my head when I ate something that had ketchup on it lol but I found out it was a freakin scary movie so I was like hmm maybe I'll just wait till it comes out on dvd or something lol and then I ended up going into the movie and there was this fucking clown there I'm not afraid of clowns it was just weird and we were at this amusement park and it was old and weird and they had this huge pool and so I got in it and they had like this beanbag chair thing you could ride so me and this girl got on it and and we were going like super fast and there were these huge ass sharks that were trying to kill us and they were in the pool there was like 8 of em lol and they weren't your normal size sharks either they were bigger then freakin Jaws and well anyways some how we got out shot out of the water and started flying through the air and then that girl flew off and landed on the top of her head on the pavement and then I fell off and landed on my side but it didn't even hurt me and matt and my mom came up through the stairs and wanted to get in the pool and somehow my mom broke her leg and was on crutches and then this girls hand came out of the pool and grabbed me then I woke up and I had another weird dream last night but I can't remember it right now and the night before last I had a dream that I burnt all the skin off of my hands but anyways yeah so lately I've been having really weird dreams. I'm going to get my license tomorrow at 7:30 lol mom wants to go as when they open but anyways Ashley if you think you can getup do you want us to come get you at like 8:30 ish maybe 9 it just depends on how long all thats going to take and then we can go to the mall or something and watch a movie cause there's not going to be a lot to do since jess can't bring the sims to kill people but I don't care if you wanna just go back to my house and hang out we can it doesn't really matter to me lol but anyways I'm hungry so bye bye my loves.

Well anyways guys I was wrong lol my interview for RHMS was today at 9 well go me I didn't go to bed till like 12:30 and had to get up at like 7:45 WOO. But I got in lol what a shocker well I told Britney last night that I wasn't coming back she cried I felt so bad!! But we'll still talk and see each other at the football games and all that junk and she'll have her boyfriend now so she'll be fine. Gah guys I'm so bored everybody needs to come down here and see me please!!!! Gah I need to clean my room but I don't wanna. I wanna go do something or just go back to sleep. My birthday is in two days after today WOOO HOO!!! I'm going to get my license that morning and then ashley and jess are coming over I think I dunno if I'm going to do the annual spend the night then go to the mall or what I guess we can if you guys wanna it doesn't really matter to me or we can jsut stay at the house and kill people on the sims and watch movies and eat cake. But anyways I'm going to go for now but hey again if anyone wants to come over just come over (hint hint jess or ashley).

Rebekah's fantasy of the day-
Having my own television show and calling it shirt less so when ever like Mr.Way Way or anyone like that comes on the show it's a requirement to take there shirt off but the girls can keep em on that'll be just fine.

Gah I'm so bored so I thought hey what the heck I'll update my lj even though I really have nothing to update on. Well maybe just a little jess is going to get her license I wish her the best of luck she'll do fine though. Gah again I talked to ashley for like 3 or 4 hours last night lol why that always happens I dunno don't ask me. I'M SO EXCITED MY B-DAY IS IN 3 DAYS WOOOO!!! AND GUESS WHAT ELSE WAPRED TOUR IN 10 DAYS!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! lol sorry I'm really excited I've never been before, me and ashley have already planned out the whole day lol. Does anyone think it would be weird if you asked someone if you could pet there hair??? lol cause mr.way way is going to get his face licked and his hair petted lol is that a word petted?? lol well anyways I have my interview for RHMS next tuesday WOO HOO!!! I'm coming back my loves!! I'm going to start doing something different on my lj and I'm starting today lol hmm who would a thunk it.

Rebekah's Fantasy of the day LOL!!
I want to be in a pool full of chocolate pudding with Bert McCracken on one arm licking pudding off of me and M.Shadows on the other and Mr.Way Way sitting on top of me feeding me chicken. lol I'm not weird I promise.